Amazing report

I just saw the doctor and am awaiting my chemo but wanted to report the news: Dr. O said the tumor is too small to measure at this point (probably < 1 cm now), and 

the other mass was barely discernible, just akin to a small thickening. The chemo is working its magic! Hallelujah! Thank God!

Full heart

It's probably somewhat ominous to write a post describing awful post-chemo bone pain and then go radio silent for over a week. I apologize if it came off that way, because truly, the opposite is true.  Last week was lovely, the kind of week that feeds your soul in so many ways. I walked almost every day with wonderful friends, through my hilly neighborhood or on the hike and bike trail, some of us pushing strollers or dragging dogs. Every time, I came away feeling bolstered by the meaningful conversations and blessed by the amazing fortune I have in my close friends.  I also met with dear family and friends for numerous lunches, dinners and even two brunches (I'm very impressed with myself for brunching twice this past weekend!), celebrating my grandmother's 92nd birthday, my dear friends' almost-here baby boy, or just meeting to spend time with each other. We went to church, watched Reese play softball, and I even made it to a Pure Barre class.  All in all, it was an outstanding week.

Throughout these many lovely conversations, questions invariably arise regarding our children and how they are managing throughout this process.  The answer is: pretty darn well.  Both kids have benefitted/are benefitting from a local nonprofit called Wonders & Worries, which has been an amazing resource.  Reese attended a six-week peer group and is eligible to join in the monthly peer groups now.  Weston is receiving one-on-one counseling sessions, where he explores a lot of the same concepts that Reese did, but in a manner tailored to his younger age.  They both thoroughly enjoy their W&W experiences.  In addition, Reese receives amazing support at her school.  She has a standing weekly appointment with the lower school counselor, but does not hesitate to seek out Ms. D at other times if she feels the need to talk. I love that she has a safe place to go, a caring adult she trusts, and enough self confidence to advocate for herself when she feels the need.  All of the faculty and staff are checking in with her, keeping an eye on her, and helping her out.  The reading specialist she works with on a daily basis has helped her articulate some concerns and sentiments that have been on her mind, resulting in some pretty amazing letters that she brings home.  The chaplain checks in with me regularly, and we have lovely conversations. Simply put, I just don't think she could possibly be in a better environment during this time. Even with all of this, she still worries and struggles with her emotions, much more so than her younger brother.  Of course, this is to be expected.  But a touching moment happened this weekend, when they both picked up the dolls that made at W&W and played together.  Reese's doll (right) is named Shelly and has cancer.  Weston's doll (or action figure, depending on who you ask) is named Knight Weston and does not have cancer.  They role played with these dolls for hours this weekend, which is so healthy in my opinion.  I also love that they can go to each other with these concerns, even if it is in a play setting.

Weston made a target out of things he does not like (apparently he told his W&W counselor that we do not use the word "hate," which makes me realize he really does listen to these little lessons!). In the inner ring are "bad guys, hitting and snakes," and the outer ring contains "lightning, guns, mean people yelling, shots, eels (?!?), cancer, and sharks." He threw wet paper balls at this target during his session.  I love this.  Such an interesting insight into his mind, and probably a cathartic exercise too.

So the short answer is, I think they are doing really well, all things considered.

I've started handing out Team Shelly shirts (when I remember them, which is apparently about half the time)! My dad and our friend Chad wore their shirts on Thursday.  It made me smile to see them wearing their shirts!  Thanks guys! 

One of my brunches this weekend was at the beautiful Green Pastures to celebrate my grandmother Margaret's 92nd birthday.  It was such a joy to celebrate her alongside my family, including the two blurs in the front row (those would be our kids)!

Finally, I met up with my cancer-fighting sister Suzi.  We had a great visit and dished all things crappy about chemo and pondered upcoming surgeries.  She gave me this hilarious gift too:

The back clarifies what the card is to be used for (warning for those averse to curse words...):

This continues to crack me up.  I am carrying it in my wallet, just in case I need to flash it to someone.  However, considering how things have been going, it seems unlikely.

Silver linings: 

Sitting at my daughter's softball game, someone commented on how the humidity was messing up their hair....and I realized I will not have to deal with frizzy hair due to Texas heat and humidity this year!  Woohoo! (However I am baffled by the continued need to shave my legs...)

Heading back down to Houston, and I am not remotely preoccupied for my upcoming chemo, just looking forward to seeing family. Even with bone pain, Taxol is so much more manageable than red devil, and I am much more relaxed in turn. And speaking of the bone pain, I called the nurse and she prescribed pain medication that will help me sleep through the harder nights right after the treatment, so I've got a plan in place for this coming treatment. 

Finding a certified oncology massage therapist in town and getting a relaxing massage today.  Not entirely the same as what I've had in the past (much less pressure and different techniques to work around the lymph nodes), but still a luxurious treat.

Planting herbs and vegetables with my son today, and watching him get excited about digging in the dirt, placing the plants in the holes, and watering the plants.  He loves gardening! What might have been something I rushed to do in the past was a much more pleasant, relaxed experience with my little helper. And hopefully will be a good memory for him as well.

More to come from Houston this week....

Lesson learned

Apparently I was a little too eager to embrace Taxol after my course with the red devil.  Wow, the leg pain!  Apparently the side effects of bone pain in your legs and hips is, in fact, accurate.  It made for a rough night of sleep on Friday, and it was downright impossible to sleep last night. I'm trying the Claritin/Aleve combo today and have been soaking in hot baths with Epsom salts.  Have any of you been through Taxol?  Can you recommend any other approaches? Apparently this side effect only lasts a few days.  I'm very hopeful that is true!

Springing forward

First and foremost, thank you for the many, many wonderful suggestions to tame worries and ease anxiety.  I really cannot thank you all enough; so many of the comments and emails contained extremely helpful advice and such encouraging words.  I will blog more on my plans to handle worry/anxiety at a later date, as I may have some things to try that involve audience participation.

This week is our spring break.  It's safe to say that it has been an epic break for us!  First, the kids and I went to Harbour Island with my parents.  We all enjoyed the beautiful pink sand beach and the quaint island atmosphere.  Plus it was fun to tool around in golf carts!

Reese and Weston loved playing in the yard between the house we rented and the beach.  They goofed around a lot and generally enjoyed each other's company, which was so nice.

Unfortunately, I had a bad earcache and sore throat, which required visiting the island clinic on a Sunday, an adventure in itself.  But we ended up getting connected with a great nurse who agreed to meet us at the closed clinic. She gave me plenty of medicine, but it did take several days for it to "work." That is in quotes because my oncologist feels that it might have been a viral infection, so maybe it went away on its own!  Either way, I was able to walk on the beach daily and nap each afternoon, plus eat at some amazing restaurants.  All in all, a wonderful getaway!

I did get some odd looks in my full body coverage (can't risk sunburn when you are on chemo),my scarf, and especially on the days I was walking with a big cotton ball sticking out of my ear. Not your typical beach attire, but what I like to call cancer chic!  Haha.

The next stop of spring break 2014 tour has been Houston, of course!  It's treatment time!  I have wonderful news to pass long: the tumor has continued to shrink, and is now measuring 2.5--3 cm (originally was 6 cm)! Additionally it is breaking into smaller masses, which is good. Hallelujah! I am so thankful that the chemo is working and we are seeing results!  All of our prayers are working!

I started the next course of chemo, a type called Taxol. The "Bain Train" consisted of a few new faces to the infusion room, including my dad, who has been consistently staying home with the kids for my treatments up until this visit.  It was a great change to have him there with us!

My mom and aunt Becky were also there with me.  We had a great visit and nice lunch in the unusually crowd-free infusion room.  It was a smooth infusion, but took kind of a long time because they have to watch for allergic reactions (Taxol is made from tree bark and has a history of causing reactions). Being the generally allergy-prone gal that I am, I was concerned that I would be affected, but luckily I wasn't!

 

Meanwhile, after David came in to talk with the doctor and get me settled, he and his parents took the kids to the rodeo.  Or maybe it is more accurate to say the carnival at the rodeo.

Poppy continued his tradition of taking fantastic pictures.  Mainly, you can tell that these kids just never have any fun.  Not at all.

No fun riding rides with Gigi....

Eating the requisite carny food...

Or riding rides with Daddy. Such a shame!  

We also continued with the wonderful tradition of having our pre-treatment Wednesday night family dinner, this time including our kids, my dad, and my aunt Becky, along with the usual suspects. It's become such a special time and will be a fantastic set of memories as part of this chemo treatment.

And coming back to Taxol...well, so far, so good!  I felt so much better yesterday than I usually have after AC.  I slept wonderfully and woke up feeling almost normal.  The only effect I have encountered thus far is fatigue, but I can manage that with an afternoon nap.  The bone pain usually begins 2-3 days after the treatment, so I may come back with an entirely different story in the next post, but I'm hoping to stay ahead of it as much as possible with OTC pain meds.  I'm also taking all sorts of supplements and other measures to hopefully prevent neuropathy in my hands and feet (another common side effect). But all in all, it has been night and day so far from how I felt post-red devil. Again--hallelujah!

So all is well with us, and there are still three days of spring break left! I'm sure we will continue the fun when we return to Austin tomorrow. Thank you again for all of the support!

Worry-er trying to turn warrior!

For Lent, I am trying to give up worrying and be more trusting.  This is so hard for me, especially right now, but it's really what I need the most. I am having a lot of trouble sleeping, as I spend hours lying awake in bed and obsessing about the upcoming surgery.  Yes, it's two and a half loooong months away.  I definitely need to be able to sleep in the upcoming months, especially as the surgery approaches.  But I'm just so concerned, and frankly scared, about such a major surgery.  The thought of being on the table for 12 hours, in the hospital for 5 days, away from my family for endless days as I heal from the surgery and then afterwards as I am quite likely going to have my radiation treatment in Houston at my plastic surgeons urging. All of these things cause me anxiety, worry, and fear.  What better time than the present to try to rid my life of these negatives and really focus on positives? So much easier said than done!

I have been leaning on old stand-boys and trying a few new strategies to aid me in the process of freeing up my mind.  Prayer, meditation, guided imagery, affirmations, exercise, therapy, talking with family and friends, writing.  Playing with my kids, reading to children and to myself, loving on dogs, taking bubble baths. These are all helpful. I'd love to hear what methods you use to release unwanted stress and worry!  What works for you on a regular basis?