Lookin' good...

...and feeling better! I've received many concerned emails, calls, texts and visits and want to assure everyone that I am okay! There are certainly ups and downs along the way, and I'm learning to develop a slightly thicker skin, but it's really just part of the journey. Thank you to all my concerned family and friends.

Suzi and I attended a class offered by The American Cancer Society that is part of their Look Good, Feel Better campaign. Let me tell you, this is a very simple but powerful concept: get up, get dressed, put on some make up and a wig or a scarf, and you can't help but feel better. Honestly, this is a universal truth, cancer or not. Who doesn't feel better and more confident when they are put together and look great? I recommend this class for anyone who is recently diagnosed with cancer. First of all, we got a top notch goodie bag, filled with all sorts of lovely cosmetics. Check out my haul! I'm especially excited about some of the Clarins skin products and the OPI polish, but really, it's all great.

Then we proceeded to receive make up--and treatment--guidance from our instructor, a cosmetologist and breast cancer survivor. She gave us great tips, some good leads on useful products, and also inspired us with her amazingly gorgeous hair! She also terrified me with her accounts of the Taxol and radiation nightmares she endured, but that seems to be part of it. Everyone's story is different and there's no telling how I will react to something in comparison with anyone else...but I have to admit, the more I hear about the sometimes excruciating bone pain that can result from Taxol, the more worried I am.

There were five of us, and it was actually quite fun to talk with everyone and hear where people were in their treatment process. Plus it's fun to hang out with my new fighter friend Suzi! Here we are, looking good and feeling better!

We have a very relaxed weekend ahead with few plans in place, which is nice. I'm excited to just hang out with David and the kids, and maybe carve out some time for a nap! Hope you all have a relaxing weekend.

"The look"

Friends and family, it's been a little bit harder this time.  It's to be expected, it's a cumulative effect.  But it's also a little more than just the shock waves from the chemo treatment.  It's just been...harder somehow. It doesn't help that the fatigue is piling up or that the twinges of nausea are atill hanging around.  Extreme smell sensitivity is coming up too, causing for embarrassing gagging situations in public.  Forget about public restrooms--that's just not happening!  These things certainly don't make me feel much better.  But it's also the physical tolls.  Where my vanity is getting a big ol' beat down.  My hair hasn't entirely fallen out, but it's mainly gone.  However there are rather unattractive and irritating patches of hair. When I touch it, the remaining tiny hairs fall out like miniature Christmas tree needles. My skin is very clear but also has that pale pallor. My already thin eyebrows and lashes are starting to go. And my eyes sometimes water so much as a result of the chemo that wearing a shield of make up isn't always an option.

It didn't help that a well-meaning store clerk guessed that I was fighting cancer the other day, despite the fact that I was in my wig and tryingt to be inconspicuous.  She told me she was able to tell because she's very familiar with "the look"....which stunned me because I didn't realize I was starting to look cancer-y just yet.  But I guess "the look" is part of the territory and something to adjust to in the meantime.

Nonetheless, I haven't been throwing a constant pity party. I just can't do that. There have been so many silver linings this week, and I have heard so much love and encouragement from so many of you, family and friends, old and new.  And I had the greatest epiphany of just how lucky I am to be alive, to have access to the treatment I do, and the amazing support network of people praying for and rallying around me.  This epiphany occurred while I was walking through HEB. I must have looked slightly insane, grinning so big while I was pushing my cart through the yogurt section! My eyes were likely watering so I probably looked downright bizarre. Crazy lady in aisle 9!

This too shall pass.  I am only human, and will allow myself to experience the full range of feelings as I move through this part of my life.  I'm certainly learning and growing, but it's not always easy.  It isn't supposed to be.

Silver linings: visiting with so many wonderful friends, including my two newest friends, Kathleen and Suzi, who are going through treatment right now for BC as well; time spent with family; wonderful meals; beautiful spring weather that helps my spirits so very much; a little retail therapy; visiting Reese's school to watch her perform a Frozen song for her class

Upcoming linings: going to an American Cancer Society class today with Suzi that's part of the Look Good, Feel Better campaign that will help us figure out how to mitigate said "look", going to Reese's school to help in the tech lab, and a fun weekend without many plans

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

Wise words

As I move through the recovery from round 3, I don't have much of note to share personally. I've mentioned it before and will again--it's a slow process.  But I know I will bounce back and get more energy soon.  In the meantime, I wanted to share (with permission) an email below that David and I received from Father Robby Vickery, the Rector of our church, St. Michael's Episcopal Church. I appreciated how he was able to illustrate an interesting parallel between how we approach my treatment (at least our mindset) to St. Michael. Although I'm perhaps "trudging" more than "trampling" at the moment...hey, I will take it!  Hope you are all well.

Shelly & David,

I love David's expression.  The most common artistic rendering of St. Michael (out of the Book of Revelation that I mentioned to you during the home visit) is of him riding/trampling the devil in defeat of all that is evil (and that includes breast cancer).  I hope the picture comes through below that I attached.  A similar victory is shown in the sculpture of St. Michael that either resides in front of our pulpit or the table to hold the bread and wine in the back.

You abide in my prayers.

Robby

Slow ride

I am currently on the tail end of my third infusion, receiving the two hour Cytoxan drip.  Which means I have officially received my next-to-last red devil!  Like David said to me, "Ride the devil!" The thing is, the red devil sort of takes you along for a ride whether you want to go or not.  So, we will head home directly so I can jump into bed and maybe not emerge for three or four days.  How's that for a slow ride?

Dr. O confirmed further shrinkage of the tumor area today.  No percentages were cited, but there was enough change in size to determine that the one large tumor is actually two separate masses, which is what the doctor had thought might be possible.  This doesn't really change anything or carry special meaning, except that things have shrunk enough to feel the difference.  Good news!

My aunt Melissa and mother-in-law Michelle were amongst my special visitors today, along with my father-in-law Lorne and of course David. Besides the wonderful people who hang out with me for hours on end, I am also surrounded by so many objects that remind me of everyone's love and support.  Beautiful and cozy blankets (I need two or three as they are apparently trying to recreate tundra conditions in here), warm socks, journals and magazines, yummy muffins, nourishing homemade broth, essential oils, the list goes on....all provided by wonderful Team Shelly members! Thank you family and friends!

So the next step is to sit back and wait for this ride to happen!

Gearing up

I am preparing for another trip to Houston, another round of adriamycin/cytoxan in a few days.  Preparations go far beyond packing and making sure the kids' daily schedules are explained in detail, carpool rides and play dates in place. Preparations, at least with my approach, involve a lot of mental and emotional work. Rarely do more than a few minutes go by for me without some mental notation regarding the chemo. An idea, a way of approaching it with better mental imagery, a little pep talk…."this will be three, only one more AC after this!  I CAN DO IT!" This all helps me tremendously.  Some people prefer not to think about it much beforehand, but I cannot function that way.

I have been trying some guided imagery mediations lately.  Specific guidance tailored to healing cancer patients.  I have a feeling it works!  It reminds me of prayer in many ways: you open yourself up, let the light in, and then sit back and let the miracles happen. Sure, it does involve some work on my part, but it also involves tuning in and turning it over.  All of this meant to work in conjunction with medical practices, of course.  It relaxes me and it cannot hurt, in my opinion.

The other side of the fold from the relaxed, meditative approach is the age-old pep talk I mentioned.  This is much quicker and happens much more often.  I don't have to be supine and supported to give myself a "I can DO this" moment like I do when I am fully envisioning the t-cells marching in and the healing light washing through me.  But I think there's a way to fuse pep talks, mediation and prayer into quick tidbits too, which are useful. "I can DO this, I am strong, my body can handle this, and now I can turn it all over to God."

It's all much easier said on these last days immediately prior to my treatment, when I am feeling truly pretty close to normal.  Then I get knocked down again, hard, and for several days it feels awful and even almost insurmountable at moments.  But my general nature is to try to find the positive, maintain an upbeat attitude, and keep moving ahead. Basically, I allow myself some pity parties but then try to stand up and dust it off pretty quickly. (Although it would help to eliminate any more cancelled school days as a result of nonexistent ice, thankyouverymuch! Last week was pretty brutal between viruses and  school closings…)

So, here we go again.  Next to last round of the red devil, coming right up.  I read somewhere that you brace yourself for each round as if you are bodysurfing the waves, and it couldn't be more true.  Your kind comments, emails, texts, delicious food, fun packages, great conversation, prayers and happy vibes keep me lifted up.  I can do this!

Silver linings: a beautiful sunny weekend giving us a glimpse of spring, a fun outing to Midway food park, watching Reese and her friends walk the runway at Red Haute fashion show, eating dinner with my parents and some of my aunts, having my in-laws spend a couple of days with us while David traveled...

Feeling froggy

This week has been slooooow. Slow because of icky weather, two sick kids, missed school and chemo effects/haze. I could seriously use some more sunshine & warmth and less coughing (from the kids)!

Weston and I took some selfies yesterday. 

Happy selfie!

Serious selfie...

Selfie reflecting how we feel about being sick....

We were having so much fun. Then Weston turned to me and said, "You look more like a frog than a princess." Well then! And again this morning he asked me to put on my wig because my bald head isn't so pretty. I will say that at least you always know where you stand with our son. Ouch!

So Reese and I decided to laugh about it and she took a picture of me holding a very cute pink & purple frog. Hey, if I'm a frog, at least I can pick a colorful, fun frog!

Silver linings today/this week: spending time with the kiddos cuddling and relaxing; meeting up with the Austin group Pink Ribbon Cowgirls today for the first time (local support group for women diagnosed under the age of 45); setting up initial consultations with my surgeons in a few weeks...

Here's to a warmer, brighter weekend...this frog wants to see the sun soon! Xoxo

By request...

Hello from the land of "chemo fog" brain and extreme fatigue…..so, my side effects did not come as hard the first night this time, thankfully.  But yesterday I was definitely still feeling the nausea and general icky-ness, so I believe it was more along the lines of a "typical" timeline for feeling everything. Today, my appetite is better but I am still so very exhausted and really out of it.  As soon as I lie down on the bed, it feels like I completely sink into the mattress.  Before I know it, I have been out for an hour. Again, I will always listen to my body for cues, so many naps seem to be in my future.

Many of you have emailed and mentioned that you are having difficulties posting comments on the blog.  Please know that you are not alone!  I am going to post step-by-step instructions written by my eloquent father in law, Lorne.  Hopefully these will help everyone figure it out--I love reading everyone's comments!  It brightens my day.

Without delay, here are Lorne's tips:

This is simple, don’t be intimidated, and post a comment knowing Shelly and David, their families and friends, and other readers will be encouraged by the support and love being poured out during Shelly’s treatment period! Think of it as Internet-assisted hot chicken soup for the soul.

At the bottom of each of the postings by Shelly it will state “Posted by Shelly at (the time)—(X#) comments…”

1.  Click on “(X#) comments…”  See 2.

2. A box (rectangle actually) will appear with the note “Enter your comment…”  Enter your text. Then:

Ø  Click on the downward pointing triangle (this allows you to tell the blog master how you will be identified)

Ø  Click on either “Name/URL” or “Anonymous”

o   For “Name/URL” type in your name or initials or nickname, etc. and IGNORE the URL entry

o   For “Anonymous” no name will be included and readers will not know who you are (of course, if your message includes names in the text or the salutation, then the cat is out of the cellophane bag as to the poster’s identity)

Ø  Click “Continue” to allow the next step. See 3.

3. The box with your message and the form of identification (Name you inserted or Anonymous) will appear

Ø  Below the message/identification there will be two choices

o   “Publish” being clicked on will send the message to the blog with no further action, and you are finished!

o   “Preview” being clicked allows cautious posters the opportunity to see exactly what will appear on the blog when you “Publish” the comment.

§  After reviewing the comment and making the edits you wish, you then enter the security proof per the words/letters/garble supplied by the blog master.

§  Insert the security proof

§  Then click on “Publish” and you are finished

[NOTE: if you are having trouble following these instructions and need assistance, call any middle or high school age child or grandchildren and they will do it for you.]