Gearing up

I am preparing for another trip to Houston, another round of adriamycin/cytoxan in a few days.  Preparations go far beyond packing and making sure the kids' daily schedules are explained in detail, carpool rides and play dates in place. Preparations, at least with my approach, involve a lot of mental and emotional work. Rarely do more than a few minutes go by for me without some mental notation regarding the chemo. An idea, a way of approaching it with better mental imagery, a little pep talk…."this will be three, only one more AC after this!  I CAN DO IT!" This all helps me tremendously.  Some people prefer not to think about it much beforehand, but I cannot function that way.

I have been trying some guided imagery mediations lately.  Specific guidance tailored to healing cancer patients.  I have a feeling it works!  It reminds me of prayer in many ways: you open yourself up, let the light in, and then sit back and let the miracles happen. Sure, it does involve some work on my part, but it also involves tuning in and turning it over.  All of this meant to work in conjunction with medical practices, of course.  It relaxes me and it cannot hurt, in my opinion.

The other side of the fold from the relaxed, meditative approach is the age-old pep talk I mentioned.  This is much quicker and happens much more often.  I don't have to be supine and supported to give myself a "I can DO this" moment like I do when I am fully envisioning the t-cells marching in and the healing light washing through me.  But I think there's a way to fuse pep talks, mediation and prayer into quick tidbits too, which are useful. "I can DO this, I am strong, my body can handle this, and now I can turn it all over to God."

It's all much easier said on these last days immediately prior to my treatment, when I am feeling truly pretty close to normal.  Then I get knocked down again, hard, and for several days it feels awful and even almost insurmountable at moments.  But my general nature is to try to find the positive, maintain an upbeat attitude, and keep moving ahead. Basically, I allow myself some pity parties but then try to stand up and dust it off pretty quickly. (Although it would help to eliminate any more cancelled school days as a result of nonexistent ice, thankyouverymuch! Last week was pretty brutal between viruses and  school closings…)

So, here we go again.  Next to last round of the red devil, coming right up.  I read somewhere that you brace yourself for each round as if you are bodysurfing the waves, and it couldn't be more true.  Your kind comments, emails, texts, delicious food, fun packages, great conversation, prayers and happy vibes keep me lifted up.  I can do this!

Silver linings: a beautiful sunny weekend giving us a glimpse of spring, a fun outing to Midway food park, watching Reese and her friends walk the runway at Red Haute fashion show, eating dinner with my parents and some of my aunts, having my in-laws spend a couple of days with us while David traveled...