I'm not particularly excited about the entrance of worry-induced insomnia into my life recently. I'm not a great sleeper normally anyway, but it has really been evading me the past few weeks. Now I have been up for a few hours, my mind whirring through what lies ahead in the next week or two. While I still feel thankful to have a plan and know what we need to do next, it also has become much more REAL. Everything has been very surreal the past few weeks. I certainly have experienced and processed the reality of the situation--the fears, the stress, breaking the news to family and friends in the way I wanted it to be handled. But now, I know I am entering chemo soon, which causes me anxiety. It's necessary and I know this. It has to happen, and I really am okay with it. Part of me even wants to start as soon as possible to begin to really wage this war and take control, bit by bit. But at this point--it's not really something I can control.
I am realizing I need to reevaluate a lot of things at this point. I need to slow down, allow myself to be weak, ask for help. I need to clear my busy schedule entirely and focus on myself and healing. None of these things have been part of regular routine, but it's the new normal, my new reality. Healing, praying for healing, planning for healing--this is what I try to focus on every hour these days. Hopefully, the restorative sleep will come soon….
Next time you are awake at 4:30am with worries, you can call me - I'm probably awake too! You are so wise - slow down and focus on you is exactly the right path. We are here to help! We love you Shelly! We are Team Shelly!! -marnie
ReplyDeleteYes, focus on you - and know you have countless friends and family who want to help and support and focus on you, too. We love you, dear friend. xoxo
ReplyDeletePS - I, like Marnie, am likely awake at 4:30 too, if you need an insomniac Partner in Crime. ;-)
Please don't forget the allow yourself to be cared for part. It's so hard but please ask -- I'm here waiting to do something! Would be great if you would post ways here in which we can help -- take kids for the afternoon, bring dinner or smoothies, be on-call for a last minute errand. Little stuff like that. xoxo
ReplyDeleteShelly, thank you for sharing this with us--the updates, your feelings, your journey--we all love you and are right by your side through it all
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ReplyDeleteClayton and I are friends of David's parents (Lorne and Michelle), live in Houston, and attend SMEC. We are part of your prayer chain! We will be continually lifting you in prayer for comfort, peace, and especially MIRACULOUS, complete, and speedy healing. "Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." I Peter 5:7
ReplyDeleteBlessings Shelly! Clint and I are here for you and David and praying. Please let us know any old thing we can do for you. We love you!
ReplyDeleteIt was wonderful talking with you yesterday Shelly...and I can not wait to meet you soon!! I think it is very healthy to feel like this, but I am sorry you are having to go through this. We will knock out our BC's together:)
ReplyDeleteI am here for you anytime. Sending lots of well wishes & love your way! XO Kathleen Shapiro
Shell- I have always had trouble sleeping. I don't just lay there - if it takes me more than 20 minutes, I get up and do something relaxing - fix myself a cup of (decaf) tea, read a book, do some hand sewing...no exercising! as that just energizes you. There are also self-hypnosis tapes you can listen to - or, what the hey, get Tricky Vicky's watching-the-fire tape! The self-hypnosis tapes really helped when I couldn't sleep because of the pain in my arm. When you are done with the tea/hot cocoa or find yourself yawning, try again. When you lie back down, start at the top of your head - down to your toes - and let the stress just flow out of your body. If you still can't sleep - repeat., or just try and enjoy the peaceful time of the day.
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